Last Month Panic

Evelyn is due at the end of the month & even though my doctor has told me he does not think I'll make it past 39 weeks,  & even though she has clearly dropped (see above photo for evidence) & even though she is sitting so damned low, I feel like I could reach right in & tug her out, I'm in a crazed nesting sense of panic & denial.

Evelyn's room is full of crap.  Just stuff we put in there that didn't have a place & holiday decorations because we don't have a garage.  Our crib isn't even up yet.  I have a bassinet set up in her room & plan to set up a small area on top of my dresser for her things until we get our shed put together for the stuff in her room.  But every contraction I think to myself, "No.  Not yet, baby girl.  It can't be time yet."

This pregnancy flew by for me.  Second baby syndrome has had full effects on me.  I feel like with Collin, everything was so love & light & new baby & bedroom ready months before he came & diaper station stocked & when will he get here already & exciting.   Now, I'm just stressed about how much our lives are going to change & how I feel like I'm just not ready for her yet.  No room prepared.  I just ordered diapers the other day.  J & I just went to Target the other day to get her some newborn clothes.  We still have Christmas decorations to take down & an office to organize.  And....OMGWEDON'TEVENHAVEACARSEATYET!!!

This Mama has been stressed.  And everything has been magnetized by my hormones.  Because when I really sit down & think about it: diapers will be provided at the hospital, we can get a carseat before I have to leave the hospital, she has a place to sleep & she was going to be in my room to begin with, our shed arrives tomorrow & it is going to be just fine.  But someone please tell that to my pregnant head.

My pregnant, hormonal crying at Fatheadz commercials, dry skinned, pimple faced, swollen, constipated, narcoleptic self.